My maternal Grandmother was very special to me. So many of my memories are of her. I try to pattern my life after hers but fail at most of it. It’s not the same of course, but there are many little ways that I feel I incorporate a bit of her life and her way of doing things into mine.
For instance, I frequently pamper myself with a cup of tea, in one of her dainty bone china tea cups. I also love to bake as Grandma did. She baked bread, pies, cakes, and cookies. She always had something to share when she had company or had one of her tea parties. I remember molasses, sour cream, ginger, peanut butter, and oatmeal raisin cookies. I love baking too, and when I make molasses or sour cream cookies, I think of her. I think it’s because they’re old recipes, frequently made in olden times that remind me of my Grandmother. She also made cakes, such as applesauce, spice, and chocolate cake with the best peanut butter frosting I have ever tasted. My favorite cake of hers is walnut, raisin, and applesauce, which I love to bake in the fall and winter months. She never used a microwave nor do I. Everything is cooked or reheated on the stove or in the oven.
As I am writing this, today is her birthday. She was born in 1902. It seems impossible that it was that long ago. Maybe it’s because I feel her presence with me daily, or quite possibly because I have and use the things I have of hers. As I drink a cup of tea, from one of her teacups, I think of her. Sometimes as I bake, I think about what Grandma would make if she were still here, and when I write it’s as if Grandma were sitting beside me writing too. Sometimes it’s hard to write about her because I get teary-eyed missing her, wishing she were here to talk to.
Recently I came into possession of her desk. What a gift. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me to be able to sit and write in my journal at her desk, as she did all those years ago. As I sit there it’s as if she is sitting next to me. Grandma only completed the eighth grade due to a family tragedy, when she became “mom” to her siblings. While her siblings went on to college, my grandmother never had that opportunity.
She persevered though. She never let her eighth-grade education stop her from pursuing a lifetime of learning. She had a built-in bookcase full of books: schoolbooks, a dictionary, poetry, and many classics. As a little girl, I loved checking out her bookshelves and became fascinated with books by Emerson, Buck, Thoreau, Hawthorne, and Poe. I have some of her books in my home office. Her Bible was always in close reach, and I have that also. She had the most beautiful penmanship because she was always practicing it. Her letters and cards were beautifully written in cursive.
The first thing I did when I got her desk was sit in front of it remembering. Vivid images came to mind. Grandma hunched over with a pad of paper bought at Kresge’s writing letters to family. She used a fountain pen, with the ink bottle sitting nearby, within easy reach. She had a beautiful tin box from England sitting in the middle of her desk with her late son’s letters from WWII, and a small vintage reading lamp, while her Bible and rotary phone sat nearby.
The desk has four drawers. There is a large one, in the center of the desk and three deep drawers on the left. The center desk drawer was used for pens and pencils, a tablet of paper, stamps, and envelopes, the kind you had to lick to seal. The top left-hand drawer contained her phone book with phone numbers boldly handwritten inside the front and back covers that she regularly called. There was a large magnifying glass, an embroidered hankie, and little scraps of paper with things written on them that were important to her like the poetry she loved to write, that I now have in one of those old-style envelopes. The middle drawer contained her ledgers. She used them for many things. Not only to keep track of expenses, and money coming in and out, but they also held recipes, and important dates such as birth and death dates. Her ledgers read like parts of a journal. It’s interesting to see the prices of goods and services from long ago. I can’t remember what was in the third and bottom drawer, but I would imagine it held more of the same.
When I got the desk, I wanted it to reflect my memories of Grandma. I already have a work desk with my laptop on top, but I wanted Grandma’s desk to be special. I went online and found some drawer liners. I went through various colors and styles, and as soon as I saw the pale green liners with flowers, I knew that was what I wanted. It reflected my grandmother’s taste and style. The liners are very vintage-looking, like wallpaper from the 1920s. I quickly opened the outer box the day they arrived, only to find a long rectangular pale green box with a pink ribbon tied around it. The box was so dainty and beautiful that I almost hated to open it. I left it sitting on the desk for a few days to take in the memories it evoked of my grandmother. I remember the evening I opened the box, six beautiful liners rolled out like they had been waiting a long time to be used in a special place. There was a slight scent like rose water coming from the box. It was fitting because that’s what Grandma used. One by one I unrolled them, measured and cut them, then placed them in each of the drawers.
I sat there for the longest time thinking, remembering, and shedding a tear or two. I had to run to the closet and get a box of tissues. I may need those tissues as I sit at her desk in the days ahead, remembering her.
Once I had the liners in, I had to decide what to put inside and on top of the desk. Part of me wanted to recreate some of what she had on her desk giving it that special granny chic look. I have old phone books, her ledgers and Bible, and the tin box from England. It would have been pretty, but not functional for my needs. Except for the drawer liners, I decided to make the desk my own. It’s full of colorful things on top, such as small decorated boxes, various jars holding art and writing instruments, my writing and art journals, a small shelf, colorful trays, a red retro radio, and lots and lots of writing paper and post-it notes. It’s a great place to pay bills, create art, write in my journal, and read and study the Bible. I think Grandma would be okay with the decor on my desk. I did put her ledgers in one of the desk drawers. It only seemed fitting.
Whenever I enter my office the first thing I see is Grandma’s desk. I wish it were her sitting in the desk chair, but I have all those memories from long ago, and I can imagine she is there. It’s the next best thing to having her here with me. I think she would be happy that I have her desk now, that I too, like to write and create like she did. I still have and use the desk that I have had for years. It was my late husband’s desk as a young man. It’s where I have my laptop and where I continue to write. Somehow it wouldn’t feel right using a laptop at Grandma’s desk.
I wonder what she would think if she knew I had her desk and wrote stories about her. I think she would be pleased that I have it and love it as much as she did. As far as the stories go as long as I am not writing about her bloomers and such things, I think she’d be okay with it. Happy birthday, Grandma.
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